onehotbra

Sitting in my new apt (new room, new state, new city, new life), listening to Bob, drinking some coffee to prepare myself for a day of reading and cleaning. A catch up day to prepare for the week to come. The outside light fades out and in like someone is dimming the sun to set the mood. The weather here has been a roller coaster. Nothing too dramatic, but a reminder to prepare for the seasons. I am excited to experience seasons: a real fall, winter, one with golden leaves and brisk evening strolls around the park. A white Christmas, that is if I plan to stay east-side for the Holidays. Just as rapid as the weather change, my personal schedule has taken a similar pattern. Even though I have fallen into a crazy but organized routine, my emotions continue to change from humid to windy, from dark to light, from pouring rain to bright, sunny, short wearing weather. I am consumed by the theatre and the philosophies that surround it. Not a minute goes by without a thought concerning my voice, alinement, or my overall awareness. I keep a journal now. A non-digital journal that I jot daily thoughts, moments of inspiration, observations on the subway, etc.  I like that. I have never been able to commit to a pen and paper journal and I like it. I am committing to things that I want to do and not backing out because of a wayward excuse of not having time or the patience. I have so much to share but it is too much to type out. Honestly. Everyday I have a moment of clarity or complete confusion or numbness that if I kept up with writing in LJ how I used to (or tried to), I'd be updating every 2 hours. This is great, I think. I am never bored or satisfied. I am always being challenged. 

My classes:
Alexander Technique
Voice (4X/week)
Speech (3X/week)
Dance (2X/week-ballet & jazz technique)
Neutral Mask
Classical Text (Shakespeare)
Text Analysis 
Stage Combat
Workshop
Acting Technique (2X/week)
Scene Study

My instructors have such diverse and accomplished backgrounds. Some teach at Juilliard (Shakespeare, Dance, and Mask), teach master classes/private lessons (Movement), and are working actors, directors, and company owners. The space itself is brilliant. I'm working in a Broadway theatre. So I can technically say I've acted on Broadway. I could talk endlessly about how much I love Circle, how happy I am about choosing this over UCLA/USC, and how much I love my new friends and roommates. I am truly happy to be living. I have been broken down, lifted to a higher place, and found many new ranges and depths to my work and my personal soul only within a 3 week span. I cannot wait to see where my work will be once I have completed my first year. 

So until next week, cheers. Oh I didn't mention this earlier. I plan on writing via LJ once a week. To compile all the random moments of significance I encounter in a weeks time. I may need to write twice or wait a week to gather or make sense of what I'm experiencing. But regardless, I plan on writing weekly and committing to this promise. Thanks Joseph Gordon Levitt for the inspiration.

I am slowly in the process of deleting my livejournal. I will keep it to receive daily and/or weekly updates from those who are still dedicated to this pre-twitter blog [one where people write full length thoughts verses condensing them to 25 words or less to reach larger audiences, faster. There is so much heart in this small community.] But I know that one day, hopefully not too far away, I must remove myself from the LJ universe entirely. I don't want those early 2003-2005 entries to come back and haunt me, which I have had great pleasure reading again with aged eyes. I am saving everything I have ever written on livejournal. And I have vowed not to change a single embarrassing misspelling or teenage confession, dealing with subjects beyond the comprehension of a 14 year old girl. I find it very hard now to sit down and spill out my every thought and desire over the internet. I write a lot but end up deleting every beginning because I feel towards the end that these things aren't meant for public eyes. I might be going through a phase and several months down the line revoke this testimonial. Maybe I need inspiration. I confessed my LJ-impotency to my Dad and he said that I used to write as a means to work out my problems (lost love, confusion, heartache, etc.) and now that a lot of things have slowly fallen into place, livejournal subconsciously seems unnecessary. But then again I felt compelled to share this thought so it might be all in my head. I don't know. We'll see.

I wrote this entry [702 Days of LA] about 6 days ago. It was the most compelled I felt to write but in the end gave up on the idea of sharing. But today, I do feel like sharing--considering this one of the few last Los Angeles entries that will be written for this time capsule. Enjoy.

( 702 Days of LA )

too long of a writers block. hopefully I will finish this one.

I don't want to start naming the things that I will miss about LA because it will make me too sad. I had an amazing day today:

aced my jazz history listening test, stood in front of Mark Ruffalo in line at Famima, had the best rehearsal ever (complete freedom is now a possibility: buy the ticket, take the ride), ran into Ruffalo again while striking the set [exchanged Hi's this time, he remembered my poem, he said it was beautiful], took a 4 hour nap from 5p to 9p, H woke me up by climbing into my bed, we then drove to Fullerton to study for finals at the Denny's in Brea--H needed a change of scenery, and after a grand slam, 4 cups of coffee, and a great conversation later, we drove back to LA listening to KISS FM and mixed cds the whole ride home. 

I can't think of a better day than that. LA has been so good to me.

We open a week from Friday. Major rehearsals in progress. Tim has chosen the music and we are building our removable wall soon. I really enjoy falling in love 6 times a week. She is so human it is ridiculous. It has been an enjoyable challenge, everything is now falling into place. The Wild City. The cigarrete smoking hurts but is necessary. I didn't want to stop after our runthrough today. It reminded me of our 8 hour long dance production tech rehearsals. I could have ran the play 3 more times at least. I love being inspired. The one Waiting for Godot always gets my blood moving...one day, one day. The theatre is so alive at the Adler right now. I love being apart of that.

I love Twilight.

I want to discover love (again?). even if I only have a few months left. it would be worth it.

new york city is just around the corner. we move out in a month or so. two years went by too quickly.

I am moving to New York in 3 months. it scares me but I couldn't be happier. I shouldn't be scared but it's an automatic reaction of mine that I am learning to tame. the play is going good-okish. the boys are fantastic. once I figure out what my final scene means I think I'll be happier and less anxious. we open in two weeks. I just watched finding neverland. i love that movie. am I ready for The Circle? probably but there is a part of me that doesn't want to leave my new life behind and all of those that have contributed to it in some way. i love them. all. my life is irreplaceable and wouldn't be as magical without those who have helped me along the way. my mind is swimming (I think I stole that line from a movie). I want to write more but I don't feel up to it. I want to share but at the same time keep it for myself. it's like seeing a movie by myself, there's so much magic in experiencing something and not having to analyze it. just letting it be. no pretenses. somtimes things are meant to be simple and we over-complicate them. story of my life. (I wish I had a better relationship with tobe verbs. one day I hope I learn to like you.)

Freedom is addicting.

(avoiding responsibilities aka Linguistic Anthro. homework)
Living day by day because the future is so unclear.
Waiting for colleges to respond and to set up a concrete rehearsal schedule.
No planning. Just letting each day come and go.Leaving LA in 5 months (feeling weird about it all coming to an end).
Performing in a play: This Is Our Youth at the Adler, under the direction of Tim, in late May.
Flying out to NYC on Saturday for my NYU audition on Monday.
Finishing up the last of my applications and auditions in April.
Not taking any classes at Adler this term: missed out on the opportunity to be taught by Mark Ruffalo...but will be hanging out with him and Benicio del Toro very soon because of the play and its connection to his acting career.I am working with USC graduate level directors and filming a scene from Three Days of Rain.
This summer I will be filming The Secret Spring (a short play about Emily Dickinson, written by Tim, which was recently seen at Adlerfest)
I am still reading Before Night Falls...I'm slow.
And what about love you ask?...Come what may.

This Is Our Youth.
by Kenneth Lonergan



Finally. It all begins tomorrow.

"I guess I'll just go home."

I usually only post now on momentous events (the eve of a new year for example) but I am going to keep this one light.

Life has seemed clearer ever since scene night a couple weeks ago, it was the end of an extreme term and was the beginning of a new transitional period for me.  My first audition is on January 23rd, soon right? I am not sure what I want to do yet but i have a wide library of pieces to choose from so I don't think there is much to worry about. I am much more confident with my work, with a solid foundation/technique I really feel that I can take on any challenge--especially after working on Bug and 4.48 Psychosis simultaneously. Just think, I had no prior experience or technique and I had the balls to present myself in front of NYU and say that I was worthy of their school. Bold, very bold. I didn't know what acting was, and now I do to a certain extent and feel that I am ready. Confidence in my abilities...who knew?

I talk about acting and the theatre a lot, it is so exciting for me, and I think that turns people off for some reason. It's funny, people keep their distance from me like they don't trust me, even people I have worked with before. LA isn't used to Fullerton companionship, they think I am being shifty, oh well. I think in general people aren't used to honesty so they always think that you are lying. I am just very passionate and it is hard for me to hide my excitement. I can't reserved and cool about things, which I am learning to embrace. Even more confidence, weird...

I read more (shocking for the one who found Harry Potter to be boring). I am reading Before Night Falls by Reinaldo Arenas during my down time before school starts next week, then I will be back to reading plays and more plays. He has such a fervor for life it is incredible, such passion during a time and place that i could never imagine. I am also reading poetry daily, Neruda is beyond beautiful and tragic.  His phrases capture sentiments that I find impossible to form into words, which is extremely moving.  I am also trying to see all of the Oscar contenders prior to the show [side note Revolutionary Road was everything and more that I expected. Michael Shannon, you are my new hero...don't worry DDL, I haven't forgotten you]. I am not anxious about the ceremony like I talked about last year because now I know that whatever I want to accomplish will happen so why worry. 

...I am too optimistic and preachy for my own good.

Taking a break from Shakespeare to share with you my latest JM experience.

4th time seeing him live, and I am incredibly fortunate to have seen so many different sides of him:
Crossroads 2007 (Chicago)
1st Annual Charity Revue: Where the Light Is (Dec. 8, 2007)
Summer Tour 2008, Verizon Amphitheater (Jul. 27, 2008)
1st Annual Charity Revue: John Mayer On his Own (Dec. 7th, 2008)

This concert was for the fans, filled with samples of his earlier music that he would begin and never finish, powerful guitar wailing, and many long speeches ranging from thank yous to the proper paparazzi walk to having sex to his music.
He was as the title suggests on his own, no band.
Just Mayer, guitar, and digital music maker (Postal Service status).
Set List:

Jason Butler Harner
A stage actor (MFA from NYU) who just got a break in Changeling. See the movie for him.

Imagine if I committed my attention to politics as much as I do to acting, film, and theatre...
A few hours before the election came to a close and the results were revealed, I seriously regretted voting.  I stood by my decisions on several of the props but felt that when it came down to the president, after 2 years I still didn't know enough.  In LA I am surrounded by people dedicated to furthering the country for the better. It is beyond inspirational.  Selfless commitment to a cause. 
I am too lazy and selfish to turn on CNN in the morning or read my Newsweeks [piling up next to my trash can with the hope that tomorrow I will pick up September's economy issue].  Is it my age? Is it my current situation? I don't know.  It is like when the FUHS English department forced our Sophomore honors class to read the newspaper because we naturally drew literary connections to Pokemon instead of the Patriots Act in our 1984 discussions.  I don't think it's ignorance and I am not apologizing for being the quiet one who has nothing to say in a political debate around a card table and the educated youth, I just don't have concrete opnions yet because I don't have all the facts.  To preach with a weak understanding doesn't appeal to me.

But all these doubts quickly vanished upon hearing that Obama was going to be our next president. I helped him get into office and that fact alone makes me proud for my decision to cast my vote on November 4th, 2008.  I am confident in the little I know and stand by the hope that in the future I will know more. 

I am going to minor in Anthropology if my school of choice allows it. I need to learn more about the world around me, not just media heightened convictions that have been regeritated by every person within the age bracet of 18 to 30.

I am letting go of everything. Fear and all.
November 30th it begins...
[the seagull Act 4]

Hi my name is Shannon Cabbell (hi shannon)...and I unintentionally sit on my impulses.

"well i looked my demons in the eyes, laid bare my chest, said do your best, destroy me. you see, i've been to hell and back so many times, i must admit you kind of bore me."

I have lost touch with my inner artist.
While trying so hard to capture realism, I have lost my need to speak, create, etc.
Within the next month i will:

• Take bigger risks and not second guess my choices
• Paint a picture, Write a poem, Take a role of B&W
• AND express my thoughts and feelings to my latest interest because I am tired this unrequited love bullshit.

Fuck it. just fuck it.

I need to take an improv. class and do a play.
It's no longer a "oh that would be a nice experience," it's more like a "why the fuck not, let be in a play damnit."

I'm learning to use my words.

Thank you.

10 people are not allowed to die within the next 10 years:

• Robert De Niro
• Al Pacino
• Martin Scorsese
• Anthony Hopkins
• Dustin Hoffman
• Clint Eastwood
• Jack Nicholson
• John Hurt
• Ian McKellen
• Robert Duvall

No more accidental overdoses or diseases or that old age cop-out.
(rip Heath, Brando, and Adler)
I wish I knew more of Paul Newman's work.

Application downloaded.  Process Commencing.  Life Beginning.

"I know I can, cause now I see I'll never stop this train"